Impostering
There’s a lot of head nodding when you mention Imposter Syndrome. But when you ask folks what it actually means, and more importantly, how to deal with it, there is a lot of deer-in-the-headlight-ing.
If you’ve ever…
· Felt like a fraud
· Questioned why you have the credentials, abilities, experience to be in the position you’re in
· Suspect that you’ve totally snowed people into thinking you are better than you actually are
· Downplayed your success, accomplishments and contributions
· Tended towards people-pleasing to gain approval and acknowledgment
· Guessed that you lucked into your current situation
…. you’re probably impostering.
The concept of Imposter Syndrome was first identified back in the late 1970s by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. And in their published study, they found that women experience it more than men. They attribute this primarily to the fact that historically women have been labeled incompetent and unable to do many things other than having babies, cooking and cleaning. The labels are so endemic to society that, despite evidence to the contrary, and despite it being 2018, it’s hard to shake that outdated belief system. Having a minority status also ups the chances of having imposter syndrome. That said, I have had Exec Coaching clients of all races, genders, and backgrounds coming to me with major Imposter Syndrome. Especially early stage Founders. Pretty much every single one of them. (And in fact, I have a completely unproven theory that men might be less able to admit having Imposter Syndrome, although they are as likely to experience it. But that’s another blog post…)
If you’re sitting there thinking, yes, but I really AM a fake. Not like other people who are amazingly successful but feel like fakes. Well, read this: The late Dr. Maya Angelou once said, “I have written eleven books and each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run game on everyone, and they’re going to find me out.’”
So where does it come from? Often, Imposter Syndrome has deep roots in beliefs you formed about yourself as a child. Maybe you had a parent pressuring you towards over-achievement at all costs, or maybe they told you you’d never do anything worthwhile in life. Even if you’re not consciously aware of these voices in your head, they tend to still live there in the shadows of your being and can be powerful triggers for Imposter Syndrome.
There are no magic tricks for managing Imposter Syndrome. You need to start with self-awareness and reflection, and birth new beliefs and actions from a place of conscious choice.
Just like with any sort of sustainable change you’re working towards, Step 1 is awareness — notice when you’re living in Imposterland. Pay attention when the negative self-talk is in command. What is it saying? Can you identify what triggered it? How does it all feel in your body — are you tensed up, does your heart race, is your breathing shallow, is your throat constricted?
Once you have gotten in the habit of noticing what happens when you feel like an imposter, you can move on to Step 2. Start to question if the self-talk is true. Is there any gift in the self-talk? Does it serve a purpose in your life today? Assume the self-talk is not true for a second. If it was false, what else could be true instead?
Step 3 involves moving awareness to a reframed belief system of the new truths you discovered in Step 2. You might also pay extra attention to any tendencies you have to brush off compliments or acknowledgments, or minimize to your contributions. For example, when someone thanks you for something, if you tend to reply with things like “It’s no big deal”, “It was nothing”, try to catch yourself in the act and change the words to reflect your actual brilliance!
Step 4 — Rinse/Repeat
Hopefully with some attention and practice of the steps above, you’ll take a one-way ticket out of Imposterland for good.
