The Racist and the Civil Rights Activist

I’m part of a mentor program through Y-Combinator which is essentially a safe harbor forum for women in tech to ask basically anything, in hopes of getting peer and mentor input. A Founder recently put up a post about whether she should bring on a Co-Founder whose hard skills are top notch (and complementary to hers), but who has values completely misaligned with hers (we’re talking one that is essentially a racist, and one that is a civil rights activist). She was curious about how to firmly establish her company’s values before the new guy started, to set a precedent before he tried to infuse what she felt was very conflictual with her core values.

Danger Will Robinson! I would not touch that s**t with a 10,000 foot pole. The Co-Founder relationship is like a marriage. And thinking that complementary hard skills can guarantee success is as naïve as thinking love is all you need to have a strong and sustainable marriage. In both cases, the little stuff might not matter, but core values alignment and a shared vision are one million percent non-negotiable. Trying to mandate the core values preemptively simply won’t work. They either are aligned or they’re not.

In the potential Co-Founder scenario above, which is so blatantly doomed, I say run for the hills. But in some cases, the values mismatch is a lot tougher to spot. Part of that comes from the fact that people define words differently. Meaning, you can both say Honesty is one of your core values. But one person might exclude “little white lies” or withholding information as totally copacetic with the value of Honesty, while the other believes in full disclosure, no exceptions. There is also a tendency to just let it go if most of your non-starter values are aligned, but not all of them. (That’s also pretty similar to what people tend to do in romantic relationships — yes, but (s)he is great in all these areas, is it that bad that (s)he is not perfect? I’m not perfect either, blah, blah, etc.).

The key is not to find the perfect Co-Founder, since one doesn’t exist. The key is to ensure that your non-starter, non-negotiable, not-a-chance-in-hell-you’ll-compromise-on-it values are lined up with the Co-Founder enough to at least peacefully coexist. The other stuff you can let slide.

Let’s say you have found a great potential Co-Founder and you want to make sure you’re both in step on the important stuff.

· Step 1: Be crystal clear what core values drive you. Grab a glass of wine or find a quiet place and brainstorm with yourself on your values. List any and all of them. If you are stuck or want inspiration, just google “list of core values” — here is an example with 500 listed out. Once the list feels complete, pick the 5–6 that you can’t live without. These are the values which should become the funnel through which all decisions must successfully pass.

· Step 2: Have your potential Co-Founder do the same.

· Step 3: Meet and discuss. Hopefully your core values are mostly well aligned. Perhaps more importantly, none of your values should be completely mis-aligned. For example, if one of your core values is Respect to All and your potential Co-Founder has a core value of Respect to Leaders, that will probably not work. The chances of your core values being identical is slim, but as mentioned, they should be able to peacefully co-exist.

· P.S.: Remind me to tell you about all the other things that you better be talking to a potential Co-Founder about before you sign on the dotted line — things like equity splits, what happens if one person is all in, and one is doing it as a side hustle, what happens if one person wants out after 5 years — that will be my next blog post.

What if you’re reading this and saying “Great, NOW you tell me.” All hope is not lost. Hopefully you’re in the camp where you have some mis-alignment, but nothing blatantly at odds. If you’re close but no cigar, set aside some time to honestly discuss the gaps, with the intention of identifying compromises that might not make either of you thrilled, but on the flip side, won’t keep either of you up at night. Here’s an example. Let’s say one of your values a Learning Culture — it’s very important to you that the company support your employee’s education, learning and growth. To that end, you want to set aside 1% of company profits for that purpose and give people time off to take classes. Your Co-Founder doesn’t share that value and doesn’t want to spend any of your bottom line on learning, and, in addition, doesn’t want people taking time off work to learn. A compromise might be that you implement Lunch & Learns, where industry experts come in to share their wisdom with the team on a pro-bono basis, and the company pays for the food. It’s not a perfect solution for either Co-Founder, but it addresses both and is a fair middle ground. If it’s too difficult to have this conversation on your own, find a mediator or Executive Coach who can help you find that middle ground.

The bottom line is that we are people at work. Your core values are your core values in life, and life encompasses what happens at work as well as what happens outside of work. If you consistently act in ways that don’t honor those values you’ll kill your motivation, your passion, your soul, and your ability to effectively lead. Each Co-Founder’s values must be honored equally to create a thriving partnership, and in turn a thriving company.